July 26, 2016
About a year ago I finally told Drew I was ready to adopt. I felt like it was the right time and that it was similiar to fostering but in my mind it sounded "doable". I felt like it was safer for me to get a baby that I could keep forever than having to have a kid come into my home, love them, then send them away again. So last August we started looking into adopting. It was crazy how fast that door closed for us. We both felt it almost instantly and can't really explain why. So out of frustration (to be honest) I told Drew that we should just go to a CALL (Children of Arkansas Loved for a Lifetime) meeting about fostering and just see what it's all about. So in November of last year we attended an informational meeting not knowing what to expect.
The very first thing that was said in the meeting was "If you are here just to adopt a baby then you need to leave. Fostering is about reunification with the birth parents. It's not about adopting." Ya'll, this was tough for me to hear. I was still terrified of fostering and seriously just wanted to adopt. We stayed for the meeting but after we left I still told Drew that I didn't know if I could do this. But again, it's amazing how God changed my heart in just a week. I can honestly tell you that the only way I can explain the change is by God. I genuinely felt like by the end of the week that I could foster children and never have to adopt. So we signed up to start the process of becoming foster parents.
Over the past 9ish months we have had extensive training classes to "prepare" us. I know that we are still completely unprepared, but we are at least ready in the eyes of the state. It's crazy how my heart has changed during this process. I started out telling Drew that I could only take a baby. Then it changed to maybe a little older but only one. Then it changed more to maybe a young sibling groups. But I finally got to the point with God where I just felt Him telling me that "You aren't prepared for any of this without me". And so at this point we are open for anything. We are sticking to just girls simply because we have girls already and it might help with safety and other issues. And of course this all might change even more after Thursday.
After Thursday's final walk-through we will wait for calls. As we get calls asking to take children we will pray about each call and make a decision about children we can take into our home. We would LOVE your prayers as we start this journey. I am terrified. I have no idea what to expect. I can't begin to explain my worries and fears. I don't feel like a great mom most days. I can barely parents my own biological children. I can not even begin to think about adding other children to the mix. But I also can't begin to explain the total peace that I have. And for me, the control freak type A mommy, this can ONLY be explained as a God thing. We look forward to keeping you updated on our journey.